Adoption Hopes--It's About Love

We finally made a big decision in our family.  We have decided to try and adopt a baby.  We are excited and nervous about this new adventure.  Like everything dealing with infertility, nothing is guarenteed and we are not completely sure what this journey will be like.  But it has been amazing how everything has fallen into place so quickly and easily, and we really feel like this path is meant to be.

So we need your help.  Often a potential birth mother is found through some personal contact or connection.  We would ask that you keep us in mind as a family seeking adoption and spread the word if you hear of any circumstances that we may be able to help out with.  We have decided to use LDS Family Services as our adoptive agency.  You can check out the link to our information here.....Brydon and Jennifer (Texas)      

Or you can search for us on www.itsaboutlove.org

We really do feel like adoption is an amazing sacrifice of love and we are so excited for the opportunity to find the baby that is meant to be in our family through this selfless process.

This Year's Family Pictures

This year we were really lucky to find a friend in the ward who was willing to take our family pictures.  We really don't know the area well but we decided to go to  Hardin Simmons University campus.  It really is a beautiful campus and made for a great place to take pictures.  Caleb wasn't too sure he liked the idea of taking pictures and it was warm and windy but I think we got some really fun shots.  Here are a few of my favorites.  Thank you so much Audrey!!!  You did a great job!

A Biological Tribute to Mothers

Since we were in Nauvoo over Mother's Day and had a crazy few weeks adjusting to daddy being home, I didn't do a post on Mothers.  However we were recently introduced to this great Tribute to Mothers by some great mutually geeky friends.  So as a very late Mother's day shout out to our two great mothers we give you this.

A Biologist's Mother's Day Song

We love you Moms!!!

I'm a Firework----Time to be a bit more Candid

So I after admiring the many women are just honest and truthful on their blogs and share amazing insights and thoughts, I have decided to try to be a bit more candid and honest.  Now I am aware that this is public and will be still use good judgement, but will no longer afraid of a bad day, political opinions, and just being ME!

"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting though the wind wanting to start again?. . . Do you ever feel already buried deep, six feet under screaming but no one seems to hear a thing?" (Katy Perry's Firework).  Well sometimes I do.  Sometimes there are those days when life just feels tough, no one seems to understand, and you just don't know what to do.  I struggled a lot with this during High School and had a lot of self-esteem issues to work through.  During college I felt like I really worked to love myself, gain confidence, and became a stronger, better person.  This confidence and strength has been a huge help during the trials I have experienced during my marriage.  However there are times that it has just plain been hard, and all the confidence and strength seemed to be stripped away.  After our second failed IVF attempt, I found it really hard to find hope and believe that I was the kind of mom that even deserved to have more children.  And lately I seem to struggle liking myself and find myself feeling very hopeless about the future.  I can spend way to much time thinking of all the things I should have done or how I should have acted or what I should be like and it is just a self-destructive cycle that goes no where.  But I have learned things that help me.  Of course spiritual things are important and do play a roll in how we feel about ourselves but I have also found that just a few practical things can make a huge difference for me.  And the thing about finding happiness is that it has to be something that works for you.  Because only you control your happiness.

1.  Talking to Someone.   There are people out there who are introverts and can examine their thoughts and feelings privately and come out better for it.  I am not one of those people and that is just how it is.  I need to share my thoughts and get them out of my head.  My head and my thoughts do not always get along great and so we just need to get it out there.  I am a talker.  I have a problem, then I need to talk about it.  It just needs to be out there or it eats at me and I stress about it and get really bad anxiety.  I love to write and that is why I also enjoy blogging.  It just gets my thoughts and life out there and that works for me.  It doesn't work for everyone and I know my in-laws are cringing at this right now.  But accepting this fact about myself and being willing to find great friends to talk to has made all the difference for me. I can attack a problem head on if it is just out there in the open.

2.  Healthy Lifestyle.  I am a person who needs exercise.  I love exercise.  I am not great at it and will never break any world records but I need it.  I need good healthy food and I feel successful when I have not eaten too much or too much junk.  I love myself more.  And it's not because of what number I see on the scale, but because I can feel good and when I look in the mirror, I like myself.  I also love that I can jump on the trampoline with my son for an hour or swim in the pool for 2 hours or go on a long bike ride.  I have also learned that too much sleep and sleeping in is not helpful.  I do much better when I get about 7 hours of sleep and just get my butt out bed in the morning.  The day just starts out well.  You get up out of bed early in the morning, exercise, read scriptures, maybe blog, get a shower and feed a cute little boy and it is just going to be a great day.  Being healthy clears my mind and helps me be more productive.  Life just looks more hopeful after a good run and I love that.

3.  A Schedule.  This is something I have just recently decided to embrace about myself.  I have loved being a stay at home mom and the time with my son is so worthwhile, but I have not enjoyed feeling like my days are just not very productive and the loose schedule you can have as a SAHM.  So I am embracing the fact that I am truly a teacher to the core.  I love schedules.  I was a very scheduled teacher and a good planner and it served me well in my career.  Well it is time to embrace my scheduling side and use it at home.  It is so much easier to get up in the morning when I know exactly what I am going to do or need to do that day.  Otherwise I just lay in bed thinking about everything I should be doing, and just plain get overwhelmed to the point that not much does get done.  So I have my monthly meal plan and my google calendar loaded with a laundry schedule and ways to fit in exercise and play time and it works great!!  At the end of the day, I can check off all the things I did and feel like I accomplished something.

Life happens and it is not always easy.  I love this quote by Pres. Hinckley, "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey … delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."  SO TRUE HUH!!  I do believe there are people out there who have a gift of being positive and happy.  It is however not my talent and is not a gift I was naturally given.  I am more prone to hopelessness and anxiety, but luckily I have a choice and I choose to strive to be happy everyday and enjoy the ride I was given.  I love the song "Firework" by Katy Perry and sometimes when I am over analyzing myself, I will catch myself suddenly humming this song.  And even though I am not perfect and have my own personal struggles, it reminds me that like everyone out there "Baby, I'm a Firework!"

You can check out the song here for "Firework" Glee Style

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

This 4th of July felt just a little more special than other years. This year we were actually members of the Armed Forces and I was couldn't help but feel a bit more patriotic and a bit more grateful for the freedoms we have in the United States. Brydon has not deployed yet but we have spent a lot of time apart this year, and I have gotten a taste of what it will be like when he does deploy. It is a big sacrifice. Being in the Air Force also means that we know many people who are currently serving or have just served time in support of the war efforts. We recently said good bye to the Major in Brydon's office. He will be gone for 9 months as he journeys to Afghanistan to mentor government public health officials there. One of my primary counselors will be leaving in a month to travel to Korea for a year without her family. And I have friends who have had babies while their husbands were gone or cared for 4-5 children on their own for 6-9 months. Every day I meet some amazing people who make me so proud to be in the Air Force.

Right now our Uncle Sam is currently deployed for 6 months and has had to leave my sister-in-law and 2 children on their own in a foreign country. We love Uncle Sam and are so lucky to have him be a part of our family. We are so proud of him and all that he does. We are grateful for the sacrifice their family is making on behalf of our country.  We pray for him and wish him safe keeping!  We love you Uncle Sam!

Although we didn't plan on joining the Air Force, we are honored to be a part of such a great organization.  Brydon is an amazing officer and we are so proud of him.  It looks like next year, we will have the chance to send Brydon off to support the war efforts.  It will be a long 9 months and I don't look forward to the time apart, but I do know that he will do a lot of good while he is gone.  And I know it will be our turn to sacrifice, just like the families we are surrounded by. I also know that we will be taken care.  I have yet to mow the lawn or worry about anything while Brydon has been away.  Everyday I count my blessings that we were stationed at such an amazing base with great neighbors and a wonderful ward family.

Never forget that we are enjoy the freedoms we do, because of the Brave Families and Men and Women who sacrifice everyday.  I am so proud to be an American and an Air Force Wife!!

Unlocking the Inner Fish

There is something amazing that happens to you as a parent when you watch your child succeed at something and overcome something hard.  You just beam inside and can't control your happiness.  Well today we had one of those moments. 
Caleb is a water bug.  He loves water and always has, so in January we started swimming lessons.  He did like to go at first but eventually started to develop some real fears of the water.  He wouldn't put his head underwater and refused to learn the swim techniques.  We were a bit shocked and so after 3 months of trying we decided to take a break from swimming lessons.  The outdoor pools on base have opened for the summer.  So we now spend many of our hot Texas afternoons at the pool and Caleb has started to become more confident and comfortable in the water.  Well today was a miracle.....today I got this picture

Yep!!! That is Caleb underwater and then he spent two hours doing this!

It was so much fun!  I couldn't believe we went from finally putting his face in the water to swimming underwater like a fish.  We were so proud of him.  It was like we finally unlocked the inner fish we knew was always there.  There is just nothing like watching your kiddo succeed!

A Tribute to Fathers

So I am a couple weeks late but I live by the philosophy "Better Late than Never". What can I say?! During Father's Day I began to think about all the father figures I have had in my life, and really wanted to write about them. And I guess since my son is 4 1/2 years old, the influence of fathers has been on my mind more. I feel really lucky because I have been able to have influence of 5 amazing fathers in my life.
My Birth Father
To begin I will start at the beginning of my life. When I was born I did not have the opportunity to meet or know my birth father. I was raised by an amazing single mom until I was 4 1/2.  Well over time I did have an interest in my birth father and my biological history, but soon discovered that I would not be able to find him without a private investigator.  But when I was 26 years old, a miracle occurred and I was able to meet my biological father and his beautiful family.  How we met is an amazing story that I will save for another day.  But it is absolutely Oprah worthy, and I truly believe was meant to be.  Although I did not have his influence in my life growing up, I do know that he is an amazing father because his children are amazing, and I have come to love them very much.  It was an honor to get to travel to Utah in April to attend the funeral of my father's wife.  I watched his 4 children between the ages of 18-26; cry together, celebrate together, and pay tribute to their wonderful mother.  They truly emulate their family's motto of "If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance".  I feel very blessed to have them in my life and to finally get the chance to get to know them. 

My Grandpa
Since I was raised by a single mother, I developed a strong relationship with my grandparents.  I love them dearly and have always been very close.  My grandparents were my biggest cheerleaders during college and I would have never made it through without them.  My grandpa and I are a lot alike and I am so lucky to have a grandpa like him.  I have always felt his love no matter what I have done or what has happened in life.  Everyone needs a cheerleader like that in their life!

My Dad
When I was 4 1/2, I was finally able to get a dad and we were able to be sealed together as a family for eternity.  I was so excited to finally get a dad.  Although like most father/daughter relationships, things were not always easy, but I feel so lucky to have gotten such a great dad.  He is a hard worker and truly loves the gospel.  And although I may not share his same genetics, I know that he loves me.  I have loved watching him be a grandpa and it is so fun to have a son that adores his grandpas and follows them around everywhere. 

My Father-in-Law
I have been blessed with an inspiring father-in-law.  He is an amazing dad and is my husband's best friend.  He loves his family so much and is very in tune with their needs, feelings, and what their future may hold.  I have been very lucky to have a father-in-law that is so loving and accepting and works hard to make me feel a part of the family.  He has been a huge blessing in our family's life.  My husband can't go wrong following in his father's footsteps and son sure thinks his grandpas walk on the moon.

My Son's Father
It is an amazing thing to watch your husband become a father.  I have loved it and was blessed with a husband who loves coming home to his family everyday.  We are so lucky to have an amazing father in our home everyday.  Caleb loves his daddy so much and wants to be like him so much.  I can't believe the difference in Caleb when his daddy is home and not away on a TDY.  When Brydon is around daily, my son is so happy and much less moody.  It has been hard on him to have daddy gone so much.  I have felt so blessed to watch the two of them together and to see them building that special bond that fathers and sons do.  They play together, work together, and are just the best of buddies!

I hope that all the fathers out there realize how important they are and how much they mean to their children. I am so grateful to the men who have supported and loved me.  Fatherhood is truly a blessing!