Our Infertility Journey

Obviously infertility is a daily part of our life now. I think like any major trial or loss in life, the pain dulls over time but the effects are there always. Sending my only child off to school has made me more aware of that. There will always be moments in our life that will hit us more that we had wanted more children. It isn't something I daily obsess about, but lately it has been on my mind more. And so I have decided to write about it. It is not always easy to talk about infertility. It can be a very private, interpersonal struggle that is often hard to put into words. But after such a long time, I am beginning to feel the need to share parts of our story and my thoughts on it. And so I will start at the beginiing.  As you may or may not know, we suffer from Second Child Infertility. We were able to conceive our son completely on our own in a relatively short amount of time. There were some minor complications at his birth (he got stuck), but nothing earth shattering. When Caleb was about 9 months old, we started trying for number 2. And then our infertility journey began.

After a few months, we did all the natural stuff. Temperatures and calendar marking and ovulation kits......Nothing. Then we decided to consult a doctor. Testing was done, a wrong diagnosis was made, and in the end I was very over medicated. Eventually more testing was done and the infertility doctor came into the picture. At the time test results showed that my right fallopian tube was blocked and possibly my other tube was not working properly. It was suggested that we try IVF and that we were fantastic candidates for it to work. Well after many more tests (and they not fun tests, they are very invasive on both spouses) and lots of pills and lots of shots (up to 4 a day), I became hyper stimulated. Meaning that my body over produced eggs to a dangerous level and I had to be on bed rest for 2 weeks.  We couldn't continue with the IVF at that point. A couple months later were able to continue with the rest of IVF round 1. More shots and pills. NOTHING! Then we embarked on IVF round 2 with more shots and pills. The doctor really wanted to get me pregnant with twins and really believed we were good, healthy candidates. NOTHING! By this point my body was completely out of whack, we were financially and emotionally worn out, spiritually tested, and we felt pretty hopeless. So we just stopped everything and tried to heal. A few months later we were informed of a girl who was possibly pregnant with twins (in the end it was only one) and wasn't able to care for them. We were eventually able to meet the couple and began the paperwork process to adopt. About the time we were beginning to feel hopeful that this was an answer to our prayers, we received a phone call letting us know that the mother had gone into early labor and the baby had died. Again we took time to heal, eventually graduate from school, and find a good job. After joining the military, we began to look into what our infertility options were through our insurance and in the area. We were referred to a specialist in Dallas. After more testing, we were told there was nothing wrong with either of us except possibly my blocked tube. So surgery was scheduled and this spring I underwent laparoscopic surgery. After it was all done the Doctor informed us that there was no blockage and that I had a beautifully, perfect pelvis for having babies. And so we found ourselves back at square one. Over four years of trying and yearning for a baby and nothing. And no physical reason why that blessing has been denied to us. In February, we were again approached about another possibility to adopt, and began the process through LDS Family Services to adopt. That particular situation never worked out but we have become approved for adoption and pray every day that a special birth mother may choose our family and bless us with something we cannot do on our own.

So we patiently wait to see if we will be blessed with more children and make the most of the life we have been given.  Everyday we cherish our beautiful son and I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to give birth to him.  He is our miracle baby!  And we all hope and dream for another miracle or two.