My Sweet Grandma

While we were out in South Dakota, my grandma fell and passed away a few days later. It is still hard to imagine her being gone but I am so blessed to know that she is in a better place surrounded by her loved ones. I know her mind is now whole and that she will be looking out for us, like she always did. I feel blessed to have had a very close relationship with my grandma. She was there when I was born and I have so many memories with her as a little girl. Grandma and grandpa were my cheerleaders through college and I never could have made it through school without them. Then we got to live by them while Brydon was attending the University of Utah. Last summer they even came out to visit us in Philadelphia and we had so much fun. She will truly be missed. She was a wonderfully amazing woman. Love you grandma!

The Great Big 4!

Well Caleb could not be more excited to be 4 years old! He has been dying to turn 4 like his friends and was so excited for the big day to arrive. He informed me that he is big now and can get married. I sure wish I could slow time down a bit. He will be 18 before I know it.
This year Caleb got to take 2 friends to the zoo with him and then we had a Scooby Doo cake with mint chocolate icecream in the evening. He had so much fun and can't help but tell everyone he knows that he is 4 now.

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I am so grateful for our sweet boy. He is so smart and observant. Caleb constantly keeps us on our toes but I wouldn't have it any other way. I will always see that sweet little round baby face when I look at him. Caleb we love you so much and are so so grateful you are in our family.

Adventures with Brydon's Sisters

Over the past few months we have had the chance to spend time with Brydon's sisters and their families. We spent 3 days in Washington, DC with Brydon's older sister and then spent a few days in Philly and a day in DC with his younger sister. We have really come to love DC and could spend a lot more time there. It is a beautiful place. Here are some of our favorite pictures from our fun outings.

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What did Brydon do for 2 years?

Well you may be wondering what Brydon did to receive a Master's in Public Health. For the past year, he has been working with an amazing professor, Dr. Jennifer Taylor, on a project for the International Association of Fire Chiefs. He has been evaluating their Near-Miss Reporting System to see how they can improve the system and what the current data in the system is telling them. This system is for any Firefighter that has a close call at work. So maybe someone almost fell threw the floor or there was a gas leak that could have exploded but didn't. When these occur, any firefighter in the nation can enter a report in the NMRS. The hope is that if enough data is collected then this system can help predict future problems before they happen. Brydon was able to give the IAFC many recommendations about how to fix the system and also found a few predictors for future hazards. It was a really big and complicated project that is now a 102 page book. He "rocked" his thesis defense(as quoted by his mentoring professor). I had the great opportunity to go watch him and it was so neat to watch him share everything he has accomplished in the past year. Below is a picture of Brydon with his poster presentation of his results.

Brydon's Graduation

Well he did! On June 11th Brydon graduated from Drexel University with a Master's in Public Health. It was a great day! We were fortunate enough to have Brydon's parents and his little sister and her husband come to the cermony and spend time with us. We are so proud of Brydon!

Finding Joy in Life

So the past few months have just not worked out like we had hoped. We did graduate but other than that we have no job, no way to even think about having more kids, student loans are running out, and there has been emotional stuff like family drama and dear friends moving away. Plus Brydon was just recently called as the 2nd Counselor in the Bishopric and it has us rethinking some of our future plans. Some days I do great and have lots of hope and faith, other days not so great and it is hard to remember that the Lord can see the big picture. But I have found some great things that have helped.

First is reading my scriptures every day. Even if it is a couple verses. Just the act of picking them up and reading a little everyday makes life a little easier to handle. I am more patient and less quick to anger.


A dear, amazing friend recommended this book to me and it really couldn't have been more perfect. Sis. Okazaki is an amazing woman who has weathered some very tough trials. Her attitude, stories, and quotes were very inspirational and a big help to me as I have come to accept the life I currently live.


Exercise is like taking my "happy pills" everyday. It helps me stay sane and I like myself better. I feel happier, more confident, and more productive when I have exercised. I miss running but the elliptical has become my new best friend. I can still get a great workout but my heel doesn't hurt as much after. It is amazing what just a little exercise can do for the brain.


Spending time with these wonderful people reminds me that there is very little in life you truly need to be happy. Their humble prays and powerful faith remind me of the power of the "refiner's fire". They have suffered so much and yet have an unwavering faith in Christ. They lead simple, poor lives and yet find so much joy. I am so grateful I get to have them in my home on a regular basis.


And of course, I saved the best for last. Everyday I get to spend time with my beautiful little family is a blessing. I am so grateful for the times we get to play and work together. It has not been easy to weather these storms together or to always understand each other, but I am grateful for family time and what it does for the soul.

The Death of Dreams

There are times to celebrate life and all its joys and blessings and a time to mourn the trials and heartaches that life throws at us. Today is a day to mourn the death of two of our most precious dreams. The death of being a doctor and of being parents to a baby girl.

Four weeks ago, Brydon was asked to interview at PCOM, a DO school here in Philly. We were so excited at the prospect of Brydon truly being able to become a doctor. He had excellent recommendations and even an inside pull, and it felt like it was truly an answer to our prayers. Every blessing and promise to be a physician was truly going to happen. The interview was tough but we felt like he had given it his all. He let them know that he could do this program and that he truly was qualified to be a physician someday. However, one week later as he returned home alone from visiting family, a rejection letter waited for him. The final NO. Now after two years of attempts to get into medical school, the dream has died. Shortly after we were married we began the process of working to get accepted to medical school. We have spent 6 1/2 years dreaming, planning, and working toward that goal. And now we have decided it is over. Brydon would have been an amazing doctor. His patients would have loved him and he would have touched so many lives for good. I always thought of how handsome he would look in the white coat and how I would love to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly stories of a physician's adventures. I couldn't wait to see him come home from doing something he truly loved. And so today we mourn the loss of that dream. There will be no handsome, man in a white coat saving lives.



Recently Brydon and I were approached by a family to adopt their baby. This not an option we had planned for right now in our lives. We knew the timing wasn't the best and the funds would be really hard to find, but we felt that it could be the answer to our prayers. Since we had tried all other options to have another baby, we thought this might be what we needed to do. We met with the birth parents and decided that they had a true sincere desire to give this baby girl a better life. The girl was due to arrive August 17th and we were working to move forward to be prepared for the expected arrival. Today as we were driving home from meeting with the adoption agency, we received a call that told us the baby had died. The mother had become ill and went into early labor. Doctors couldn't stop the contractions and a perfect, small 22 week old baby girl was born. She took a breath and then passed away. Her body was just not ready for this world yet. My heart aches for the poor birth mother that has been through so much in her short life. I can't imagine going through such an experience. And we mourn the passing of a baby girl that we had dreamed could have been ours. There will be no little girl in our home.



I read this quote today that sums up a lot of how these experiences have felt. I changed it a bit.

"Death. Death of a lot of things. The end of the Manning family as we had pictured 7 years ago. Death before life...before we even know our child, because she never existed. The hardest part of this kind of death is the fact that it is the death of a dream. There are no solid memories, no pictures, no things to remember. You can't remember your child's blonde hair or brown eyes, or her favorite toys or the way she laughed, or the way it felt to be pregnant with her. She never existed. There is no funeral, no burial, no grave to lay flowers on. The couple often grieves alone."